Hooray!
There was a huge traffic pileup on the 101 this morning and I ended up being an hour late for work.
A medical supply truck overturned and spilled its contents all over the freeway.
Cars were skidding and sliding into what looked like an eight foot high pile of dead jellyfish.
Turns out it was about 5,000 silicone breast implants.
Gotta love L.A.
When I finally did drag my sorry ass into the office--with McDonald's coffee spilt all over my brand new skirt--the Alien Queen was waiting for me.
With murder in her beady eyes and corrosive bile dripping from her savage mandibles.
Okay, she's not THAT bad.
I exaggerate for effect.
She did write me up, but I've gotten way past the point where I give a crap.
I've got over a hundred write-ups tacked to the wall of my cube. I'm thinking of turning them into some kind of artistic decoupage.
Maybe I'll let Suki do it. She's the creative one.
Sook and I did manage to work a little fun into the middle of our day. During lunch and on our breaks we went up on the roof and invented a game called Fake Boob Dodge Ball.
That's right. Mine was one of the cars that slammed into that eight foot jellyfish pile.
And I was damned if I was gonna walk away from the incident empty handed. I grabbed about two dozen of the faux jugs and hightailed it outta there.
You'd be surprised at the uses you can come up with for those things. I mean, beyond their obvious utility as paperweights.
I got a migraine late in the day, so I stuck one of the implants in the freezer and used it at as a makeshift ice pack.
It worked GREAT!
Suki suggested the opposite and said we should put one of them in the microwave and use it as a nice, soothing heat compress.
Note to you folks at home: don't EVER do that.
Let's just say our poor little test jellyfish met with a rather explosive end.
I don't know why, but it made me think of Whiskerbelle for a second. And I got sad.
Maybe we left it in too long, or used too high a setting. We put it on "POPCORN" but never figured the thing would actually POP.
All I know is if and when I can finally afford my own set of Robo Cones, I'm giving microwave ovens a wide berth. I'm just going to pretend I have a pacemaker and not go anywhere NEAR the damned things.
Alien Queen later asked us about it and we just told her Dickie in Accounting did it. He's weird, and paranoid, and used to being blamed for shit.
He should be, by now. He's our go-to fall guy.
We're bad. I know.
The office needed a new microwave anyway. I swear to God that one was leaking radiation all over the place.
I think it's what gave me my migraines.
Love you! See you all soon!
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