Sorry I haven't blogged much this week. Life continues to kick my ass at every turn.
First of all, and worst of all, my piece of shit Hyundai keeps stalling out on me. It's even happened on the freeway a few times, which scares the hell out of me.
I probably should get rid of the damned thing, but I can't afford another car right now. Or anytime soon.
Work has been hectic. It's performance review time, for perms and temps alike. And not only do I have to get ready for my own, I've been put in charge of scheduling everybody else's.
Meaning I have to go around and deal with EVERYBODY in the office. Including Ugly Eric, Grabby Matt, Princess Bitch, Pharmacy Phyllis and Sticky Pete (EVERY time you shake this guy's hands they're sticky, swear to God).
And oh yeah, lucky me, it has me working very closely with the Alien Queen.
Every time I think I have the schedule set, she gives me another reason to change it. First she wanted it alphabetical, then she wanted it boy-girl-boy-girl, then she wanted it by seniority, then she wanted it by position in the company.
Now she wants it by all those things, cross-referenced with their unused vacation and sick days.
Speaking of which, I haven't been feeling that great. Retched my guts out this morning when I got up. (Ooh, sexy.)
As I went around the office today, every single person - male, female and whatever - was staring at my legs. To the point where it was seriously creeping me out.
My first thought was, is everybody in the world suddenly one of you pantyhose freaks? (No offense, you know I say that with affection. You guys keep my lights turned on.)
Then I got panicky, thinking word had maybe gotten around about my website.
Which would be a complete frigging nightmare. If my temp agency caught wind of it, I'd be sunk.
I hate temping, but it's the only game I got.
It was Suki who finally told me to look down. Duh.
I had nicked myself shaving this morning, and didn't realize the cut had kept bleeding.
By late afternoon when Suki brought it to my attention, the blood had pooled up, soaked through my stocking and dried. I say "dried" but it was still pretty clammy and sticky. (Sticky like Pete, clammy like Icky Irene.)
On the verge of tears, I ran to the bathroom.
When I tried to take the hose off, I found that I couldn't. They were stuck to my leg.
I ended up having to hoist my foot into the sink - no mean feat - and splash water onto my leg.
Anyway, I got dizzy and passed out.
I woke up, it must have been three hours later. It was dark out, the office was quiet, there wasn't a soul around.
Nobody have ever bothered to look in on me. Not Suki. Not Alien Queen. Not even Bathroom Break Betty, who pees about a million times a day.
Suddenly, I heard this KA-THUNK coming down the hallway. There was a pause, kind of a muffled SPLOOSHING sound, then another KA-THUNK. This one louder.
All I could think was some machete-wielding maniac was stalking the halls, dragging a heavy body behind him and pausing now and again to hack another piece off it.
I have a weird mind.
The sound drew really close, so I freaked out and ducked under a desk.
I'm an idiot.
It was Herve, one of the maintenance guys, wheeling his bucket along and mopping the floor.
He must've thought I was a freak, huddled under the desk, wild-eyed and wielding a letter opener like a knife.
And oh yes, with a pair of bloody pantyhose dangling from one leg.
Herve took me down to Dan in security, who let me out of the building and opened the parking garage for me.
Dan's kinda hot.
Never mind that though, I've gotta get to sleep (seeing as it's almost time to wake up).
I am going to give Suki so much hell tomorrow...
Love you! See you all soon!
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